top of page
Writer's picturePersephone Justice

Ennui, Pretend Forests, and Edible Gold Dust




September was a doozie, and by doozie, I mean it sucked. I mean, it was fine, but it sucked. It was the third anniversary of the death of my ex, business was slow, my boyfriend had to travel for a long time, and I had a lot of big, core healing to do for myself that was the painful kind of healing. I’m coming out of this month very tired, shell shocked and feeling a bit pummeled by the universe. The result has been some teary days and lots of ennui.

 

What am I doing about the ennui? Obviously the first thing is energy work, since that’s my area of expertise. I have been doing big, core healing for myself, and tomorrow I start teaching an Animal Reiki class, and I always get huge healing around teaching reiki. I do sessions for myself. I listen to or watch the recorded sessions that I make that I post on my website. I read and meditate. I write morning pages, meaning three pages of free writing first thing in the morning, and for me that usually involves some healing work. I listen to myself and do whatever healing I need for the day.



An art photo I took of myself that looks accidentally, but accurately full of ennui

 

Second, taking action. I’ve been working on my work social media, starting a podcast with my friend Jenny, among other things to get balls rolling and to get in the headspace of moving forward during slow times.

 

Third is letting myself be supported. I have been getting healing from friends, practical support from others, and saying yes to good connection rather than just trying to do everything myself. I am not great at allowing help, mostly because it never occurs to me that I could ask. For example, I went to the dermatologist the other day to have something looked at and I was scared. A friend said she would go with me. It never occurred to me someone could go with me for emotional support. She was there for me, the visit and my body are perfectly fine, and I felt loved and supported, and realized that I need to let people love me more often in practical ways.

 

Fourth, I’m checking in with my psychiatrist this week to make sure my meds are all well and good. I have ADHD and with that anxiety and sometimes depression. I take my meds so I can care for myself and be consistent with my life and do what I need to do in a supportive way. I am even going to get my cat Fiorello the Great registered as an emotional support animal, because he most defintitly is.



got a lot of kitty snuggles this month

 

Fifth, long walks. I have always been a big walker. I need to be outdoors for hours everyday to be happy, and it’s always been so for me. I feel like it’s not a real walk unless it’s at least five miles. I live in Texas now so it’s just too damn hot to walk like I want to some months, but it’s starting to be nice enough for night walks, so I enjoy those. I often take walks while doing phone sessions for you because being outdoors and moving my body puts my energy in a good place for myself and for you. I did a phone tarot session under a pier on the beach last week for a new client and it made me feel so happy that I can work wherever I want, for all of our good.

 

Sixth, To-Do lists and small pleasures. Because I have ADHD, I need help focusing and having enough dopamine. Every morning, I make a to do list. I started doing it on a nice sketch pad because it makes me remember that each day is special and worth big, nice pretty paper. For each task, I set a time limit so I know how long it will take, because that helps me with my focus, so I don’t either over or under-focus on it. Then I use a little app that I believe is called Forest where you set the timer and pick a tree or flower or bush or other flora and it plants when the timer starts and if you stay focused for that time, the thing you planted grows. So, at the end of the day, as I tick off things from my to-do list, I am planting a pretty pretend forest and that pleases the dopamine seeking parts of my brain. I also make time for morning coffee and have an afternoon tea ritual and little pleasant things throughout the day that I can count on to make my day pleasant.



My little tea set up

 

Seventh, but not last at all, spending time with people I care about. I have such wonderful friends here. I have a group that gets together weekly to hang out and talk about life, and it’s been so great! This past week we started getting together to watch silly reality shows for fun. I made some bark to bring out of white chocolate, pulverized rose petals I bought at the middle eastern market, crushed pistachios I got there, too, and edible gold dust I had from my 50th birthday party more than a year ago. It felt good to make pretty food to share and have a fun time with friends. I am also in a relatively new supportive romantic relationship and that is bringing me a lot of happiness, too.



The pretty bark I made

 

I suppose making this blog post I realize that I’m not too bad at taking care of myself, and I set up a life where I can do a lot of that—because I need a lot of that.

 

I wonder what you would come up with if you sat down and listed all the ways you care for yourself on a daily basis. I suspect you are also good at showing up for yourself. I suspect if you are reading this, you are good at healing yourself and doing what you need to do to create a good life for yourself.

 

Maybe as a meditation practice you can make a pretty treat for yourself and sit down with some pretty paper and write down all the things you do to care for yourself and give yourself a good life, then realize that you are a good person to yourself and that means you can be a good person to others, too.

 

Here’s to the end of September, and to brighter days (at least metaphorically so) ahead for October and beyond.




24 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Comments


bottom of page